Like you don’t deserve a good heart.
Like you’re disabled to have joy.
Like you think pink, green and violet, while your partner thinks black and white.
Like you want to laugh, to be silent, to jump and not answer question after question. But there’s an Crossword in front of you waiting to be solved.
Like you’re happy, but there’s always something not going well. And again.
Like the life wants to pay every smile you had with an emotional punch in your nice face.

When you start to miss. Start not being sure how life should work anyway. Breakfast? Fuck it. Lunch… hell, stop it. Food is the wrong topic at the moment.
There is a time when you don’t want to get happy. You don’t deserve it. You were in love. You didn’t know it. You fought. You won. Lost. Won. Lost. Lost.

There is nothing waiting out there.
Sometimes a smile, a warm hand holding yours and telling you „yes, it is painful. Painful to know how soft feels.“ Sometimes being fifteen again, with your feet in the sea, salty water over them. Letting you know that out there nothing like right or wrong exsits. Just your friends. Whoever they are. Shaved and unshaved. What the fuck. Happyness is so easy that we’re sometimes far to complicated for it.

Reading books, waiting for forever, around the corner there must be the glory happyness. And then your heart gets broken. You break a heart.
Whats about that we’re supposed to be famous, look at us. Now. In front of the mirror. Hair- perfect. Body- slim, muscular- perfect. Teeth- perfect. Slim Jeans- perfect. Why am I alone? There must be Pitty waiting for me. Or a big chance. I am made to do big things, be in everyone’s head as a rolemodel. But you know what? Probably you are.

 

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